Friday, August 13, 2010

Never Fear the Dark: Nitecrawlers is Alive & Well

It's been quite a while since the last blog post, but that's not to say nothing has happened on the film. The making of an independent movie is an epic task of both physical and mental proportions. And while the heavy lifting comes later, much of the struggle for an indie filmmaker is front-loaded with the psychological hardships that come from trying to convince yourself that it's not an insane, idiotic, foolhardy risk to even attempt to make the thing. And that's where we've been doing all our work.

What's a Career, Anyway?

The mental part of indie filmmaking is like pushing a boulder up a hill. Just when you get it to the top (and many never do), it dips over the edge and begins barreling downhill, out of control, an unstoppable force that drags you along for the ride. Mike and I are still pushing that boulder up our own personal mental hills.

For myself, that push got a whole lot more difficult with the appearance of a full-time job offer in early August. Thing is, I've been freelancing quite successfully for the past year and a half, and it's the perfect lifestyle for making a film. You work three days on, four days off, or work two weeks straight and then have a week to yourself. But the allure of a full-time job is obvious: the financial security, the regular salary, the benefits, it's all there.

A Tough Decision

Having just moved into a new apartment, the job offer came as a welcome safety net to ensure that I could provide for myself and the ones I love. The salary wasn't amazing (when is it ever?), but accepting the offer would have lifted the mental weight of worry that hangs constantly through the ebbs and flows of freelance work. So what did I do?

I turned it down. I won't pretend the decision was unilaterally motivated by Nitecrawlers, but when I forced myself to look into a mirror, I came to terms with who I am, where I want to go, and what I want to do. Simply put, I want to make this film. And I want to make it now. I realized that the responsibilities piling up, all the bills needing to be paid, all the reasons I was using to justify accepting the full-time job offer were actually the best reasons to turn it down and make this film now.

Great Risk, Great Reward

So many people spend their lives looking into the rear view mirror with a burning regret. I don't want to be that person. Independent filmmaking is an immensely challenging discipline that requires a vast wealth of both technical knowledge and business acumen, but at its heart, it's a mental battle of epic proportions. If you can force yourself to take the plunge, only good things will come. As Mike told me during my decision process, there is no great reward without great risk. The great risk is turning down a "safe" job, but the great reward is Nitecrawlers. We're back.

- K

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